5 Reasons why talking helps with depression
Low mood can affect us in different ways. Sometimes it can stick around for a day or two and then vanish of its own accord. There might be an obvious reason for those heavy feelings, like a deadline or an argument. Perhaps you can put things down to a stressful week, hormones, or general fatigue. When you have a clear reason for your feelings, it can be easier to alleviate the pressure of them.
At other times, low mood arrives like a suffocating grey cloud, following you through each day, stealing the joy from your most pleasurable activities and replacing contentment with a dragging fatigue that no amount of sleep can relieve you of. Sometimes it’s hard to identify why it’s there and it can take much longer for the feelings to lift. This can feel isolating, causing you to step away from others and spend long periods physically or emotionally hiding away.
It's difficult, isn’t it? At times like this it can be hard to open up and talk about your experiences but here are 5 reasons why it might be the best solution for finding some happiness.
1. Talking releases tension
Talking is one good way of reducing internal pressure and, unlike physical activities that use up unspent energy, talking focuses on the source of the unhappiness. When you allow yourself to talk about your feelings it begins a healing process.
If you keep ignoring or pushing your feelings down, you may experience temporary relief, but they will inevitably emerge again when you least expect them. When you talk to someone who listens, and doesn’t try to fix the problem, you will make sense of your thoughts and find some clarity. That is when you can begin to find lasting solutions.
Find someone you trust to be compassionate and patient. This could be a friend, family member or counsellor. It isn’t always easy to talk at first; emotions can seem scary, but once you begin to process them you will instantly feel some of that pressure lift.
2. Connection is key
When we talk to others we are no longer alone. It is common to want to be by yourself, or to hide away when you are struggling. You might feel the need to conserve what little energy you have left or be fearful that others might be judgmental or not fully understand.
People need connection and we feel better when we belong to a community. Time spent with people you trust is likely to improve your mental wellbeing. It’s your fears that will tell you otherwise. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can be liberating and when you are around compassionate people, you will learn to be compassionate towards yourself.
3. Clarity
When you spend too much time ruminating on your thoughts and feelings, they become jumbled and suffocating. After a while, you may find yourself creating your own negative outcomes to the ‘what ifs’ that are stuck in your head. In this headspace, you will tend to focus on all the worst-case scenarios and ignore the most likely and positive possibilities.
Talking to others allows us to look at things from a different perspective. You will be surprised by how often people will relate to the situation you are in or may have been in the same place themselves. A different perspective can help you see that the reality is usually nowhere near as bad as your fears. Monsters that live under beds are always shadows and when we cast light on them, they vanish. Tough times won’t last forever, and it helps to be reminded of this.
4. Challenge
If you have chosen someone to confide in, you will have picked them for a good reason. A supportive friend or counsellor will accept you, warts and all. They will have seen you in your finer moments but also sat with you through difficult times.
You can spend too much time listening to your critical voice. This is the voice of unrelenting expectations, unending judgement - the part of you that seeks perfection at all costs. Your negative inner voice is the amalgamation of every criticism and judgement you have ever experienced. It tries to protect you, but it isn’t very good at it.
When you spend time with people who have made their own mistakes, experienced similar feelings, and worked through them, you are likely to find a level of acceptance that will help you to banish your critical voice for a while. A good counsellor can even help you banish it for good!
5. Manageable
Whether it be in a counselling room or over coffee, when we talk to others there is a natural end to the conversation. With a time-boundary in place, you can dip into your feelings without being drowned by them. When you are ready to stop talking, you can change the subject or end the conversation and get on with the rest of your day.
When you give yourself a specific time or occasion to talk, you can process and then compartmentalise your worries whilst also being reminded that you have other things in your life to appreciate or focus on. Whereas, if you stay isolated, you are much more likely to get stuck in an unending cycle of negative thinking. By speaking to others, you can create a forward movement for your difficult thoughts and feelings and begin to feel free of them.
I know that opening up can feel daunting, but I encourage you to give it a go - you won’t regret it! If you feel that you would like to lift that low mood with a counsellor, then please get in touch as I would be happy to help you.
